College Move-In Anxiety: A Guide for Students and Parents
The car is packed with every wishlist item from the dorm room checklist, Maps is set to navigate to the campus and while the countdown to this day has been on the calendar for months, excitement turns into a knot in the stomach. For many freshmen in college, this August or September will be a similar experience of excitement, overwhelm and anxiety - all at the same time. Not only are the soon-to-be college students feeling tension, so are the parents. Sometimes parent’s feelings of anxiety and grief are even larger.
Even though anxiety feels uncomfortable, it’s not a “bad feeling” and it is incredibly common. Its presence means you care! Cognitive Behavioral Therapy has evidence-based methods to help manage these anxious feelings from becoming too strong and all-encompassing, for both students and parents.
Why Move-In Anxiety Is So Common
Nothing combines so many anxiety-producing scenarios like starting college. For many students it means:
Leaving home
Moving to a new city or state
Starting over with friends and professors
Loss of routine and the familiar
Uncertainty around roommates
Financial stress
Pressure to perform in academics or sports
It’s only natural to feel nervous, apprehensive or even afraid. This might turn into behavioral symptoms such as loss of appetite, tense muscles, and talking through the same scenarios over and over. However, if anxiety is showing up as significant sleep disruption, avoidance, withdrawal from friends and family, academic difficulties or inability to show up for daily responsibilities like school, work and life - more support might be needed.
Parents are also going through an intense transition, especially for those whom this is their first child moving out or going off to college. Grief, grieving the loss of the original family unit, loss of a child’s daily presence, loss of childhood, is very real and emotional.
If this is the last child to leave home there is an identity shift to “empty nester” that may be equal amounts of excitement and apprehension. In a big transition time, every feeling is valid for all members of the family.
What Students Can Do - CBT Tools for the Transition
1. Recognize and reframe cognitive distortions- Cognitive Distortions are when the brain is stuck in an unhelpful negative thought cycle. For a new college student this can look like
“Everyone is going to be smarter than me”
“I won’t be able to make any new friends”
“What if I can’t handle this?”
Just because these thoughts are present, does not make them true. The brain focuses on negative thoughts for protection, but challenging these thoughts is healthy and necessary to manage anxiety. Instead, identify more helpful thoughts:
“I’ve made new friends before, I can do it again”
“I’ve done hard things before”
2. Behavioral Activation is another important CBT strategy- Put simply “Act first, feelings follow”. Sometimes we procrastinate activities or tasks because they feel scary or uncomfortable, but comfortability does not necessarily come with more time. Instead, taking action to help break the cycle of feeling stuck regardless of the nervous feeling and the nervousness will subside. Leave the dorm room before getting an invitation, introduce yourself first, go to orientation events and meet people - it will get easier with practice.
3. Building a routine can also help ease anxiety, the quicker something can start to feel normal, the sooner the anxious feelings will subside. Set alarms, find your spot in the dining hall, practice the route to classes. Having consistent eating, sleeping and studying times during transition help ground and balance mental health. in fact, think about what is going to be part of your routine before you go to college and make those things a priority in your schedule once you get to campus
What Parents Can Do
Manage your own anxiety first - this looks like allowing yourself to feel sad, but not putting that on your student to carry or have to “fix”. Model calm and confidence.
Resist the urge to problem-solve - parents want to help, but overstepping and inserting yourself as the fixer of all problems actually creates anxiety and a feeling of incapableness. Listen when they voice problems and fears, validate feelings and express confidence in their abilities to manage on their own.
Let students lead the communication - it can be tempting to call and text for an update every day, but understand that they are working on settling into a completely new normal and are likely overwhelmed. Let them lead in reaching out and giving updates and do not inundate with texts and requests for Facetimes.
Recognize adjustment versus a bigger concern - feeling off, inconsistent communication, scatterbrain - that is all normal while adjusting. If students are missing classes, isolating, not eating or sleeping, that is cause for concern and might require extra support
When to Consider Therapy
If students are showing signs of persistent anxiety or depression, missing classes or getting behind academically professional help is available. Most college campuses offer free or low cost therapy. Connecting with a therapist before a crisis is key.
Establishing a relationship with a therapist before leaving for college, if feeling extra anxious or worried, is also a great option. Licensed psychologists in most states can practice therapy via telehealth across many state lines thanks to the PsyPACT. That way students can keep up a regular check in, or sessions when needed.
It is important to expect discomfort in these situations, it is not a sign of weakness or inability to cope, it just means something is new.
CBT Denver has multiple licensed psychologists in PsyPACT who see college-aged students and would love to help the student or the parent to manage this big transition. Reach out for help.