All-or-Nothing Thinking
What is All-or-Nothing Thinking?
A key component of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) is recognizing unhelpful thinking patterns. Unhelpful thinking patterns are recurring thoughts that tend to be inaccurate, unbalanced, and unhelpful. All-or-nothing thinking is a typical and common unhelpful thinking pattern that categorizes things into one of two extremes: in other words, all or nothing. You’re either successful or a failure. Your performance at school or work is either exceptional or horrible. You are either funny and charming or a babbling idiot.
All-or-nothing thinking is a binary way of thinking that does not account for the nuances and many shades of gray in life. It is an oversimplification that puts a broad label on experiences in an unbalanced and self-critical way. There are many points along a spectrum. If you tell yourself your performance was very poor because you wouldn’t rate it exceptional, you are overlooking all the ways in which your performance may have been very good, good, average, below average yet not poor, etc.
Finding a Middle Between All or Nothing
All-or-nothing thinking fuels emotional distress such as anxiety and depression. It is a rigid and unhelpful way of looking at the world that does not account for all the beautiful spaces in between and can exacerbate unnecessary stress, criticism, and pressure. It is important to recognize and name all-or-nothing thinking when it arises to help you develop a more balanced and accurate viewpoint.
Examples of all-or-nothing thinking include:
Thinking that something or someone can be only good or bad, right or wrong, rather than anything in between
Thinking that anything less than perfect is a failure; a single mistake ruins an entire project or performance
Thinking people are either great in social situations or terrible
Thinking people are thin and attractive or large and unattractive
Thinking someone who acted in an inconsiderate way is a bad person
Thinking that a friend forgetting to reach out means they are uncaring
You can find a more detailed overview of all-or-nothing thinking in this Psychology Today article.
How All or Nothing Thinking is Linked to Anxiety and Depression
By putting yourself under the kind of pressure where only total success or perfection are acceptable and consider anything else total failure, a sense of unease and anxiety is bound to build. This extreme way of thinking leads to unrealistic and unattainable expectations, anticipates catastrophic outcomes, and a constant fear failure. It fuels perfectionism, leading you to believe that anything short of flawless is a botched job. This type of thinking can lead to depression too, as it creates an overly critical view of yourself and your accomplishments. Any perceived error is viewed as a failure and, instead, exaggerates faults and dismisses positive aspects of an experience which can lead to a sense of worthlessness and inadequacy.
Overcoming All-or-Nothing Thinking
A key first step in overcoming all-or-nothing thinking is building awareness: catching yourself out in the moment this type of thinking arises and naming it. Make a habit of writing down the thoughts that go through your mind for a week or two; you can aim for writing down 1 to 3 examples a day. Review what you have written and determine whether these are all-or-nothing thoughts and, if so, name it – “This is an all-or-nothing thought.”
Practice catching these thoughts as they are happening. For example, if you notice you are telling yourself, “My presentation was a failure because I did not know the answer to a question my colleague asked” pause and name it – “This is an all-or-nothing thought.”
Start looking for the shades of gray and developing an alternative, more balanced perspective. For example, “My presentation included a lot of useful information. I don’t need to know the answer to every possible question.” Or, “Not knowing the answer to a question does not mean my presentation was a failure. I gave a strong presentation.”
Changing Perspectives
The aim is to develop a more nuanced perspective – there are so many spaces between good or bad, all or nothing, successful or unsuccessful. Learning to see the full spectrum of an experience, and all its many possibilities will eventually help you find your footing on a middle ground.
To learn more about evidence-based skills for all or nothing thinking and other unhelpful thinking patterns, please contact us at CBT Denver.